So, another Paryushan comes to an end.
This year, it was hardly different from the rest of the year. I hardly did anything. So, all around me people were on 8 day fasts, pratikramans both times of the day, going for vyakhyans etc. I did only the the samvatsari pratikraman and a couple of other pratikramans. On samvatsari day, I did not even do naukarshi.
What a far cry from a few years back!
I quietly reminisced the 8 day fast I myself did. The times (even after kidney disease struck) when I would invariably be the guy saying most of the sutras doing the pratikraman. Atichaar was kind of a monopoly!
Every year I would gear up a few weeks before paryushan arrived and learn some new thoys and stavans, revise atichaar and Ajit Shanti and then really do a good job during the parva in the pratikramans.
I even knew the "Cheenk no kausagg" vidhi by heart!
I would usually do an upvaas on samvatsari day. But after kidney disease struck, I only managed to do an Ekashana some times. I also did a pausadh on samvatsari day once.
How things have changed! Can I give my health as an excuse for all this? I don't know! But I realize the things happening to me one after another and think that it definitely has something to do with my health. My mind is worried these days and with that frame of mind, I am unable to think about religion and spirituality.
I've started eating root vegetables - abstinence from which is the "most important" thing Jains are known by.
I don't know where all this will lead to. But I was getting sick and tired of the restrictions.
When you don't have other things to deal with, its easier to keep up to your religion and go the whole hog in trying to follow things. But I've reached a stage where I was getting increasingly frustrated when I could not enjoy myself when I was out, had to keep worrying about finding something suitable to eat.
I know many people do it. I know many people follow it very sincerely. I'm not sure how many of them have to deal with problems like mine.