Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Taking control of my dialysis

When I started home hemodialysis in May 2006, the plan was always to get a tech to do it for a few months and then gradually learn to do it myself.

Somehow that never materialized. I got into that comfort zone where things were going pretty well and I did not want to rock the boat.

Slowly, however, inspired by the many stories on the home dialysis forums, I started cannulating myself (putting in the needles). That took a great leap of faith. After all, sticking two huge needles into your arms is not a fun thing!

Now, I do that every single day and I've gained a great amount of confidence.

From the last week or so, I've started learning the other stuff too. Like priming, washing after dialysis and the other stuff that goes with a treatment.

Well, I'm not there yet. But I'm improving every single day.

I really look forward to the day when I'm able to do a complete treatment myself.

Its not going to be 100% of the treatment because there are a few things which I know are not going to be possible like putting the plasters over the needles, actually connecting the lines to the tubes and removing the needles after treatment because only one of my hands is going to be free. There are people who do these too on their own but they probably have a fistula in their lower arm. Mine is in the upper arm and this restricts some of the things I can do.

But I'm glad I've started learning the ropes and hope I graduate soon with flying colors!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

The caste system of looks

I had blogged some time back about how important looking good was. My belief in this has been reaffirmed by some events in the past few days.

I have seen a very good example of how people who look good are privileged in this world and people with average or below average looks face a kind of discrimination that no one talks about but many people practice.

Falling in love, for example, is something only for people who look good. When ugly people fall in love, it becomes a joke. Especially if the love is unrequited.

When people fall in love, they do silly things. We've all seen that. People in love do not think of the consequences. They just do things on impulse. They do things which often irritate or enrage the object of their attraction. Unwittingly, of course. They do not realize that this could be counter productive.

But they do this despite the outcome. Because of some unexplained obsession for the person.

And if, god forbid, the person in love is not good looking, the world turns against him/her. For good looking people, others are very willing to help in their romantic endeavors. No such luck for ugly people.

Coming to the events which prompted me to write this, it would really have been interesting to see the reactions of everyone including the 'loved' if the 'lover' had been good looking.