Currently I dialyse at home with the help of a tech. Though he is really good at his work and as a person too, I do not like to depend on him. For example, this Sunday he wants to go for a cricket match and asked me not to plan for dialysis on Sunday. The moment he said this, I got all worked up. I started thinking about Sunday and what it will bring.
Now it is a perfectly reasonable request to be allowed a day off. Especially since it is not a part of his agreed duties. But from my point of view, it is worrying. I love the freedom to drink as much as I want on Sundays knowing that I am going to get a session of dialysis that night. Yes, I am on daily nocturnal and shouldn't have to worry about fluids. But then, that's me. I still think all the time about fluids. Yes, maybe my mind is sick. I have no idea.
Anyway, returning to the topic, I strongly believe that to get the maximum benefit out of daily home hemodialysis, it is important that you are as independent as possible. Depending on someone just does not give you all the benefits. You have to still work around their timings and schedule and sometimes their whims.
I am doing a whole lot making home hemo work. Keeping track of the inventory, ordering in time, making sure supplies get here in time and most of all the treatment itself. Just last night, after I started the session myself, I was lying on my bed and looking at the dialysis circuit and it struck me that here was a whole lot of my blood flowing through those lines and through the venous chamber gushing down the venous line after passing through the artificial kidney returning to my body! It was a humbling and scary feeling. Yes, there was a great machine to try and make sure any abnormal condition sets off an alarm. Nevertheless, it is risky.
So, here I am taking all this risk and despite all this, if I am not completely happy, what's the point?
The only solution is complete independence. Where I can dialyse or choose not to as I please without any dependence on anyone. I have started on this path. I start completely by myself. I do about 75% of the closing by myself. There are only certain tricky parts of the closing that I need to figure out. I am learning. I may not be done by Sunday. But I will be there some day.