A few months back I switched to seven days a week dialysis as opposed to taking Sundays off. The reason was simple. Weekends, I generally have little to do. I don't go to work. I usually eat out or go for a movie with my family. As a result, I tend to have a little more fluid than usual. So, if I don't dialyse on Sunday nights, sometimes on Mondays, I feel just a little different.
Different. Not uncomfortable. Not uneasy. Just different.
So, I thought why not dialyse on Sundays too? I have been doing that for the past few months now. I take a weekday off once in a way. This happens rarely though.
All this has led my brother Karan to say that I am really hooked to dialysis. When he was here on a break from his MBA in the US, he often teased me about this. Around 8 in the evening, he would say, "Its already 8! How come you've not yet started?"
This has set me thinking. Am I really hooked to dialysis? Am I dialysing to live or living to dialyse??
The truth is that I don't want to restrict what I eat and drink. And this is possible only if I dialyse regularly. I have not yet been able to get rid of my mental obsession with fluids. Inspite of four years on daily nocturnal, I have not yet been able to think of fluids like a normal person does. I still pull off 2.5 to 4 liters of fluid a day. Please do not tell me how wrong or abnormal this is. I know.
This is the main reason I like to dialyse daily. No, however much this may seem the case, I do not enjoy the process of dialysis, I do not enjoy the needles in my arm and I do not enjoy being tied to a machine every night of the week just to be able to eat and drink what I want.