Today was rough. When I think about it, it was without a reason. It was just me being me. Overthinking, catastrophizing, cowering before people in positions of authority, trying to be non-confrontational, people-pleasing. Just being me. Like I said.
This constant mental struggle can be so taxing. Around 2:30 PM, I had become cranky, short-tempered. I had to even stop a meeting early to be able to freshen up a little before the next one at 3 PM. By 4 PM, I was exhausted.
The only saving grace was my morning swim. The best part of my day.
Is this mental condition due to being on dialysis for such a long time? Is it the seemingly impossible path to a kidney transplant and possible redemption? Or is it trauma from childhood? Or was I born this way? I wrote about this here recently. I still don't have answers.
My mindfulness practice helps me keep sane. But today, it was just not helping. It all started last night when I went down a spiral of negativity. Due to that my dialysis session was disturbed initially and I had to pop an additional half pill of Alprazolam to remain sane and get some sleep. Being on night dialysis and being sleepless is the worst combination ever.
These triggers are horrid. I do everything I can to avoid them. Refrain from checking social media before I I go to bed. Try to delay checking my phone until after I have had my morning cup and done with my ten-minute meditation. The allure of the phone though is sometimes too much to control. What a bloody good job these app makers have done.
Despite all those precautions, once in a way something happens which you have no control over. Absolutely none. And then boom - you find yourself sinking into an abyss with no hope for recovery. Only Alprazolam helps. And they say you can get addicted to it. You would need increasing doses for the same effect. Well, alternates anyone? Don't give me CBT. How would I do CBT while on dialysis? Don't do nocturnal, you say? Can't live without it.
Well, thankfully, it's not as bad as it sounds. My life is a blessing mostly. Such episodes are rare. I don't even remember how long back I had one. I am sure I should be back to normal tomorrow. Especially since today is No Dialysis Day! Yippee!
Comments
The really amazing deal about contacting PYTHONAX is that the Hack done by us can’t get traced to you, as every Hacking job we do is strongly protected by our Firewall. It’s like saying if anyone tries to trace the Hack, it will lead them to us and we block whatever actions they are doing.
We have been Invisible to Authorities for almost a decade now and if you google PYTHONAX, not really about us comes out, you can only see comments made by us or about us.
Another Amazing thing to you benefit from Hiring our Hackers is that you get a Legit and the best Hacking service, As we provide you with Professional Hackers who have their Hacking Areas of specialization.
We perform every Hack there is, using special Hacking tools we get from the dark web.
Some list of Hacking Services we provide are-:
▪️Phone Hacking & Cloning ✅
▪️Computer Hacking ✅
▪️Emails & Social Media Account Hacking✅
▪️Recovering Deleted Files✅
▪️Tracking & Finding People ✅
▪️Hunting Down Scammers✅
▪️Hack detecting ✅
▪️Stealing/Copying Files & Documents From Restricted Networks and Servers ✅
▪️Bitcoin Multiplication✅
▪️Binary Option Money Recovery ✅
▪️Forex Trading Money Recovery✅
▪️IQ Option Money Recovery✅
And lots more......
Whatever Hacking service you require, just give us an Email to the Emails Address provided below.
pythonaxhacks@gmail.com
pythonaxservices@gmail.com
PYTHONAX.
2020 © All Right Reserved.